Throughout my entire life, I have made an effort to remain strong, but I never expected to feel as much pain as I did when I unexpectedly lost both my parents within a very short period of time. Their deaths created a void in my life that was incredibly difficult for me to try and fill, and I quickly realised that I would not be able to just "get over it" or forget about it.
Thereafter, I began to have recurring nightmares in which I saw myself reliving the feelings of being powerless and a loss over and over again. I would hear something loud or see something move suddenly and I would get startled by it, even if it was something that did not typically bother me before. It seemed like no matter where I was, I could not relax. I started avoiding certain places and doing certain things that made me think about my parents; I also withdrew from social events with my friends and family. I was struggling just to get through the day. I had trouble concentrating at work, I felt guilty about not spending more time with them, and I was often irritable for reasons I wasn't sure of.
For a while, I kept my feelings to myself, hiding the grief deep down inside of me, until I finally sought help. I began attending therapy and support groups, where I learned how to work through my grief so that I could start to regain control over my life and not allow my grief to control me. Even though the pain of their loss has not completely gone away, I have figured out how to cope. I still have bad days, but I am able to remember my parents with love and honor them in my way.
Although PTSD is a part of my journey that will always be a part of my life, it does not define who I am. Every day I am getting a little closer to finding peace. I want to live my life to the fullest, with the love and memories of my parents in my heart.